


Unruly Heart

by A_Billion_Sorrys_918



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater, The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Coming Out, Friendship, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Modern AU, No ship but mentioned Hernst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:42:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29720871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Billion_Sorrys_918/pseuds/A_Billion_Sorrys_918
Summary: Wendla sends Ernst a video
Relationships: Hanschen Rilow/Ernst Robel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Unruly Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Despite what the tags say this isn’t really Hernst. They’re mentioned but it’s mostly Ernst and Wendla being friends because I love them. This fic is based off of the song Unruly Heart.

Wendla sends Ernst a video.

It was the middle of the night, and everyone in the Robel family was asleep besides him. It wasn’t a school day tomorrow, so no big deal. Ernst grabbed his phone, currently on dark mode, assuming it was Hanschen.

That boy. Ernst specifically asked him not to text him, especially at night. The last time he did it...it didn’t end well for Ernst.

Last week. Exactly. 

His vater walked into his room, serious and silent, while Ernst was doing arithmetic. It was his hardest

“Vater, can you help me? You told me how good you were at school and I want to be just like you.”

“What is this?” Vater ignored his statement.

Vater was looking at his texts. Again, like he does every week. Hänschen’s text.

“Oh...that...it’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.”

“M...Misunderstanding.” Ernst gulped.

The text in question was sappy and sweet. Hanschen knew Ernst so well, the way Ernst knows Bible verses, like, his personal least favorite, Leviticus 18:22.

“Ernst, this is ridiculous. You are already on thin ice with your grades, and here you are? I knew Hanschen was a bad influence on you.”

“Wait, but Vater.”

Vater threw the phone at him, hitting his forehead. 

“Ernst, you’re choosing a life of failure. A life of sin. I only want what’s best for you.” Vater kneeled so he can make eye contact with the wide eyed boy, who’s cheeks were flaming pink out of nervousness.

“I’m sorry, Vater. I won’t text him again.” 

“Let’s do your Math.”

Ernst made sure. He asked...demanded Hanschen not to text him ever again, not until he leaves the house and has a new phone, where his Vater can’t see him text again.

Although, Ernst had a hard time controlling his volume, and people heard. People knew something was up with Ernst and Hanschen, but little were sure what.

Ernst kept checking his phone. Nothing from Hanschen. Thank God. But, something from Wendla.

𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗔: *𝗦𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮 𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗼*

𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗔: 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗱𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀. 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗱𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁, 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁?

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗡𝗼 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁𝘀 𝗶𝘁. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲.

Ernst opened the link, expecting it to be a TikTok.

He and Wendla have been friends for years, since, in first grade. Wendla was upset because no one would “marry her”, except Ernst who swore he’d be with her for the rest of his life. When they had to move to all girls and all boys school, Ernst swore he’d come back and they’d go to Disney World, all the way in the states. Wishful thinking it was, but they were friends ever since (Even after they “broke up”)

Wendla knows about him and Hanschen, even before last week. That little vineyard near his house. Near her house. Ernst made her swear not to tell anyone, but she agreed and did a pinkie promise with him.

Their relationship was always childlike and young. Good for them, they loved the chance to be childlike and young.

As Ernst clicked the video, he read the title. “Unruly Heart”. 

A brunette girl with purple glasses sat with a guitar on her lap and a camera in front of her young face. She couldn’t be more than seventeen.

She looks so familiar.

“Hello, inter web. I’m Emma Nolan, and I’m seventeen.”

Oh, now Ernst remembers. This girl’s story was on the news recently. Ernst isn’t allowed on social media, but apparently she was this teenaged girl who’s prom was cancelled because she wanted to do...something. Ernst’s Mutter told Ernst not to interact with anything involving her, that she was a hooligan and a sinner.

“You might’ve heard about the prom in Indiana. I know we all have stories to tell and here’s mine.”

Emma started strumming her guitar and singing. Such a beautiful voice. Ernst wonders why his Mutter and Vater think this girl is a sinner.

𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮  
𝘍𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮  
𝘍𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦  
𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦  
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦

How easy would life be if he were straight? Maybe he and Wendla would be more than friends, and maybe God wouldn’t hate him, and maybe his parents wouldn’t swear to kill him once they truly find out.

But then, he wouldn’t have Hanschen. Hanschen wouldn’t make him feel like everything was okay, and it would, someday, be just them and that vineyard. Not to mention, if he were straight, he may just be doing worse in Latin than he already was. He loves Hanschen’s grin when finding out he passed a Latin test.

𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨  
𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯  
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦  
𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦

There wasn’t much hope. Ernst has tried to like girls more than once. Ilse, Martha, Anna, and Wendla from first grade. But, he never had any luck. He’d still catch himself watching other men showering, knowing he should push those feelings aside for his sake. For his Vater’s sake.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨  
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨  
𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸  
𝘞𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘦  
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸

Hanschen made him happy, that was no secret. Just how happy was one. He craves him, and everything that comes with him. And, Hanschen makes it very clear he feels the same way. Sometimes too clear.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘦  
𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦  
𝘚𝘰, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘭  
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘳, 𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦

Ernst began to quietly sob, desperately hoping Vater doesn’t hear him. He doesn’t want to keep his love a secret anymore. He wants his family to know that love is not a sin. But, he’s only fourteen. And how can you make someone else believe what you can’t yourself?

“God, why couldn’t I be like Melchior and Mortiz and all of the other boys?” Ernst asks God every day before going to bed. “Why did I have to want a boy the way Wendla and Martha and the girls do?”

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯  
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘸, 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦  
𝘕𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺  
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦!

His Vater was wrong. There were good people like her. They still were sinners, but love the sinner hate the sin, correct?

𝘚𝘰, 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵  
𝘍𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵  
𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦  
𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘮  
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳

Ernst doesn’t want to hide, but he knows it’s for his own safety. He wishes he could admit his love for Hanschen to everyone besides Hanschen himself. It’s even hard to admit to himself his feelings for Hanschen. Every time he tries, he just can’t get the words out.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦  
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥  
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦

Ernst paused the video, as there was only a minute left, which tissues in hand. He feels he needs to thank Emma, for letting him know he isn’t the only one who feels that way. For explaining his doubts in a way words never could.

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗘𝗺𝗺𝗮 𝗡𝗼𝗹𝗮𝗻. 𝗟𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝗺, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱. 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗴.

His screen was blurry, but he goes to the Messages act. Maybe Wendla is still up.

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘂𝗽

𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗔: 𝗬𝗲𝘀. 𝗪𝗵𝘆?

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗼.

𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗔: 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁?

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗬𝗲𝘀

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗩𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝗼 

𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗔: :)

Ernst turned off his phone, but turned it back because he had one more person to text.

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗛𝗲𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗻. 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗱 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗹𝗹

𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗡: 𝗘𝗿𝗻𝘀𝘁

𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗡: 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁.

𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗡: 𝗢𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗜 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀, 𝗜’𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝘁.

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆? 𝗜 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂.

𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗡: 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝗲!

𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗦𝗧: 𝗜’𝗺 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗱.

𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗡: 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁!

Ernst shut off his phone. It’s been a long night, but he doesn’t go to sleep without the song stuck in his head.

𝘚𝘰, 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵  
𝘍𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘵  
𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦  
𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘮  
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳  
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦  
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥  
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦  
𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘦  
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦  
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥  
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦

**Author's Note:**

> Please correct me if I’m wrong but this is a modern AU so I called Ernst’s parents Mutter and Vater, as I looked up that it’s what German people call their parents. I’m not German so I don’t know if I’m wrong.
> 
> Also, the grammar mistakes I made in Ernst’s texts were for the most part intentional.


End file.
